Today I found a pube with a split-end

There has obviously not been enough moisture in my cunt-region lately.

Children are the new fetuses.

Recently I have been thinking about age - I'm 29 1/2 so it's compulsory to do so. Also quite a few people I care about have recently decided to pop (tear, rip, tug) out a baby and I have been hearing troubling groups of words like 'ten centimetres dialated' and '13 stitches' with alarming frequency.

It has gotten me thinking, now and then, 'I wonder if I....?'

My mind was flowing along these lines the other day while I was watching a group of little tackers running around an empty block of land happily whacking each other. The thought made me snort. Which I had to quickly convert into a cough so as not to draw the attention of the kids (their sticks were very big). Nothing makes me feel more childish than the thought of having a child. Surely I'm not old enough for that kind of grown-up business? Except that apparently I am - I'm almost 30 - my mum was this age when she gave birth to me. If I hunted around I could probably find a statistic that said that it is this very age when women are most likely to carry a pregnancy through to full term (so let's just pretend I've had the maturity & patience to find such evidence).

It's hilarious. It's bizarre.

Fortunately I've found a loop-hole. It has been decided that the 30's are the new 20's. I'm sure if you read the Herald Scum you'll already be well aware of this - there's even a Myspace group dedicated to the notion (http://groups.myspace.com/Inmy30s) asking members to "tell us all about how the 30's kick the 20's ass! ;)" - it's totally official.

So, though I'm 29, I will soon be turning 20 and won't have to seriously consider the notion of breeding for at least another ten years and can relax. Except for a few niggling concerns about the ramifications of a whole decade supercedeing the one before it - will 20's now be the new teens, teens the new childhood, etc.?

It will raise some delicate questions about my stance on abortion, for sure, however my main concern is sex. What will become of sex? Sex will be the new.....what? It's quite intriguing but, as I'm soon to enter my 20's for the second time I should be having a lot of it (whatever it is now) so I'll let you know.

Julie Andrews: cuntface

A friend sent me this video. It has the word cunt in it. Therefore it goes in this blog.




What a gorgeous woman she is.

This cunt gets around

I have been very busy for the past month staring at sunsets like this:



But Ms. Kakariki has roused me from my tropical slumber with news of this delightful & stylish garment:



Etsy :: kaibrina :: Black Striped Vagina Tank Top
Source: www.etsy.com
Black Striped Vagina Tank Top, kaibrina, $20.00

Once I had gotten over marvelling at how pretty it is I had an uncomfortable moment after thinking 'but I probably wouldn't wear it here'. Then I realised that I probably wouldn't tell any of the Thais I've met here about my preoccupation with the wonder that is the cunt, either. Am I embarrassed? Am I only interested in preaching to the converted? Possibly yes. Oh dear.

Thais are (in general) quite coy, demure - it's not unusual to see locals swimming fully clothed. I guess I think ramming a cunt down their throats just won't be a very effective way of endearing it to them. And yet I relish the idea of putting cunts in the face of all & any back on my home soil - whether they feel ready for it or not. Why is this? I'm confused.

Oh My God! Two Sleeps!

Just writing that made me so excited I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. Which means (Oh My God) ONE sleep!! How can I sleep, knowing there's only ONE sleep left?

My God: NO SLEEPS. I'm practically there.

I'm not qualified for this blog!

I feel I should apologise to anyone who thinks I'm presenting myself here as some sort of cunt-expert. It has come to my attention that there are wondrous things happening down there that I have no idea about. A b s o l u t e l y NONE.

I was recently lucky enough to be lying next to a handsome young man who was happily making his fingers busy in my cunt-region when he said something potentially fascinating. He started to make comment about the "physiological response" of cunts to sexual arousal. I interrupted him, partly because I assumed he was just going to talk about getting wet and partly because I had something important to say ("oooh, ooo, mmmm , mmm mm" as I recall). But, looking back, I'm certain he was about to describe some response other than wetness, something other, something, something... my mind boggles.

And then the other day the boy (darling, darling boy) decided to put tongue to cunt and grabbed a nearby towel. When I quizzed him he shrugged & said "I never swallow".

Swallow??! Exactly what is he anticipating my cunt will produce that will be swallow-worthy? Needing a cloth to wipe away moisture I can understand but swallow?? I'm producing a meal (or at least a snack) down there??

I have so much to learn. So very much.

I'm bloody sick of bloody whimsical little bloody pictures of girls doing bloody fuck-all. (bloody)

This post goes out to the remarkable Ms PolkaDot who manages to consistently create adorable crafts that are NOT benign. No mean feat, in my book.

There have been a rash of 'crafts' infesting the artsy stores & gallerys of this town for some time depicting blank-faced misses doing sweet fuck-all and I am disturbed. I am very disturbed.




Where are their hands? Do they have hands?





Why do they spend an inordinate amount of time swinging?



Just swinging...



But they're never shown climbing up to the swing??



And for God's sake - tell me where their mouths have gone!



They either have tiny puckered up (closed) pinch-pot lips or



NO MOUTH AT ALL



It is extremely creepy.



*shudder*