Fuckin GrauWAHRAUGHAHGRaAAAA!!

A fucking icky grotty little blip on my experience happened in the wee hours of this Sunday morning just past.
I had such a beautiful night on Saturday - the Bankrupt's Ball; theatre & food & wine & dancing & friends & then: ka-splat. I was riding slowly home, enjoying the warm evening air and the lamp light - gathered in still pools red, yellow and white on the empty roads. I've always loved cycling through the night city in summer - it can be so calming, almost meditative. Like swimming laps.
I was halfway down Sydney road when a guy ran out onto the road and started groping my breasts. I have no fucking idea how I didn't fall off the bike. I batted at his hands - pushed them away. It seemed to go on for a long time.

'FUCKING NO FUCKING FUCK OFF' When I managed to push his hands from my breasts he stuck one up my dress and into my knickers.

How the fuck did I not fall off my bike? I think he was grinning. Everything else about him is a blur - he was average height, average build, standard hair chop colour skin bluck. The things I remember are the hands and the snickers.

Then somehow I was past and still on my bike and still cycling and still intact.

'WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!'

I wish this was the first time something like this had happened to me, to anyone. Most of my close female friends have experienced an assault of some kind. It doesn't do great things for my view of humanity. At other times I have been so paralysed with shock that my frozen lips haven't even opened in protest. My silence has been the source of a small sad shame in me, for not 'sticking up' for myself. So this time I took a bit of comfort that at least I'd been able to bark out something 'FUCKING NO FUCKING FUCK OFF'.

The problem is I don't wander around expecting to be treated like a second hand blow-up doll so it's hard to come up with a pithy biting insult on the spot. Therefore I have decided to prepare one in advance which I can then whip out when the need arises. The best suggestion so far has come from my dear friend, Mzzz Erin Tasmania:

"GrauWAHRAUGHAHGRaAAAA!!" to be screamed with tongue protruded KISS style.

I can only hope potential gropers will appreciate such eloquent poetry.