Saturday, February 19, 2011

Users guide to insulting ME

Okay, so we're all in agreement, there's nothing even vaguely offensive about cunts. There may come a time, though, when you want to insult me, even though I'm totally awesome and faultless and stuff - maybe that pisses you off. What are you gonna do? Obviously calling me a fucking cunt ain't gonna cut it.

Don't fret! My masochistic tendencies have compelled me to create a (non-exhaustive) list of words which I find offensive. Please use sparingly, I'm feeling fragile.

1. Cuddles

Ewwwwwwww! No I do not want to cuddle you coochie coochie coo.

You may hug me or hold me but if you think you're gonna start trying any of that 'cuddle' shit on I'll ask you to kindly exit the bed. Excellent break-up technique, future lovers! You won't be asked back.

2. Rotarian

Rotary is, of course, a pompous male-dominated business club designed to keep wealth in the hands of those who've had it forever under the guise of doing good deeds. Rotarians monopolise business activities in towns to the detriment of entrepreneurs who aren't white enough or old enough or male enough or boring enough to join their back-patting brethren. They do this while wearing hideous eye-hurting blazers and vests, adding injury to insult, you may say. Occasionally they put a natty little plaque on park bench.
In short, they suck. Call me one and I will punch you in the nose. Hard.

3. Boobies
An ex-lover referred to part of my anatomy in this manner. EX.

In the words of the inimitable Joan Jett: 'Girls have balls too, they're just higher up'. Start calling those balls 'boobies' and we'll prove it.

K. Think that's about all I can handle for today - I'm not a punching bag you know!

To be continued...

1 comment:

*--*--*--* said...

Dear Casey

You're fucking excellent.