Friday, May 9, 2008

I'm not qualified for this blog!

I feel I should apologise to anyone who thinks I'm presenting myself here as some sort of cunt-expert. It has come to my attention that there are wondrous things happening down there that I have no idea about. A b s o l u t e l y NONE.

I was recently lucky enough to be lying next to a handsome young man who was happily making his fingers busy in my cunt-region when he said something potentially fascinating. He started to make comment about the "physiological response" of cunts to sexual arousal. I interrupted him, partly because I assumed he was just going to talk about getting wet and partly because I had something important to say ("oooh, ooo, mmmm , mmm mm" as I recall). But, looking back, I'm certain he was about to describe some response other than wetness, something other, something, something... my mind boggles.

And then the other day the boy (darling, darling boy) decided to put tongue to cunt and grabbed a nearby towel. When I quizzed him he shrugged & said "I never swallow".

Swallow??! Exactly what is he anticipating my cunt will produce that will be swallow-worthy? Needing a cloth to wipe away moisture I can understand but swallow?? I'm producing a meal (or at least a snack) down there??

I have so much to learn. So very much.


Petunia Skunk said...

i'm no expert either, but i can add that as well as the wetness factor there is the process of "engorgement". the whole region gets all ripe and juicy and large. the clitoris grows especially big and protrusive when stroked just right.

i had a learning experience once: an expert cunt-licker [the most expert i've ever known] was doing what he does best and efficiently brought me to a rather noisy climax. however, he queried the authenticity of the response. he claimed that when a woman climaxes her cunt region is meant to pulsate. this had been his experience thus far and he had therefore concluded he was an expert on "normal" cunt behaviour. i resented this. men spend just a little time in that area and start parading around telling us what its all about! i wondered if there was something wrong with me? maybe i was mistaken? maybe i was being noisy for no reason...maybe orgasm still eluded me...

but no. that was 8 years ago. i've had many orgasms since then. and the only ones that have ever left me pulsating are those initiated by my powerful, pulsating friend the vibrator, when i've taken a long time to climax, and potentially electrocuted my clitoris trying.

my point is you shouldn't feel that you need a qualification to speak of a subject you are intimately connected with...

ps my word verification spells eeep. that's cute.

Petunia Skunk said...

interesting bit of trivia: when you're pregnant you are constantly engorged, due to extra blood circulating. so you constantly feel like you've been banging all night.

Erin Tasmania said...

You have a cunt. With your open discussion of cunty things you are stripping it of it's 'most offensive curse-word in the western world' status.

You are therefore qualified for this blog.
(And possibly also qualified to produce something that would need to be swallowed).